Friends — a dark hour is upon us. The hero of a generation, Corey Delaney, has been arrested this day by Victoria Police, for doing what he does best — evading responsibility. After attending the studios of Fox FM this morning, police sought to have a private interview with the leader of the rebellious MySpace-500. Corey wasn’t prepared to submit himself to such humiliation — we know his famous sunglasses should never leave his head — and for his failure to comply, he was hauled off to Narre Warren police headquarters.
Yet while this spectacle has been widely reported by the mainstream media, a greater crisis grips our nation’s free-thinking, independent youth. There is, it appears, no solidarity with Corey Delaney (or Corey Worthington depending on who you get your news from — in true tabloid fashion, facts matter little) . I have just conducted a comprehensive study while strolling the streets of the CBD, home to the sorts of renegade children who one might expect would be associated with 16-year old Corey. What I found is deeply disturbing.
While it might be early days yet, Corey’s famous sunglasses have not taken off as I would have expected. As an economist, I rely on the ability to make broad generalisations and simplifying assumptions in order to prove a point. Yet out of the hundreds — nay, thousands — of young guys I spotted this lunchtime, just two wore replica MySpace-approved sunglasses. More alarmingly, everyone I saw was wearing some kind of shirt to cover the top half of their body. This was especially disappointing given that quite a few girls were adorned with appropriate Corey-inspired eyewear — that not a single one was walking around with their top off though is truly tragic. It is time for them to, in the words of Victorian Deputy Premier Rob Hulls, ”update their thinking”.
It is clear that through this crisis, our nation’s youth are lost. In this state of emergency, a generation is calling out for a hero to champion their cause. Corey Delaney Worthington (or variations thereof) is that man. The success he has achieved over these past few days is an inspiring tale — what self-respecting teenager would not want to be in his incomparable position? The moral majority has already decided that Corey represents an entire generation, and the newspapers have already decided their fate — it is now up to Australia’s children to live up to the powerful legacy that Corey has established.
Nick, i suggest that the caliber of the girls wearing those sunglasses might be in question.. and if not that, then their age.
The Party is over… literally. There have been more arrests and with Drugs and CP at the scene it doesn’t look quite so cool for Corey’s career prospects with NOVA FM. Is he the one charged with CP? The names are suppressed so we’ll never know, but in any case running his own ‘underage’ parties now seems unlikely. It’s been a sad testament to Australia’s booze culture that so many young people considered him a hero and that so many tried to cash in on a pretty unsavory affair. Anyway, Corey’s 15 minutes of fame are over. Thanks for your intelligent commentary throughout.
See, it’s interesting you should say that Jack - I note with interest my forecast for a role for Corey on Big Brother has come true. From The Daily Telegraph:
Obviously we don’t know who’s been charged with anything, because in all cases we’re talking about minors. Certainly the presence of drugs at a party like this should hardly come as a great shock to anyone, and I don’t imagine the media or the public are especially surprised — I don’t think it hurts Corey’s reputation within the broader community any more than it already has been.
On the child porn matter though, I think we should be careful to note here that what we’re likely talking about is some footage from a mobile phone camera of two teens having ‘consensual’ sex (the degree to which they can legally consent is of course dependent on facts such as the ages of the respective parties, and whether one or both of the parties might have been intoxicated or under the influence of other substances at the time). This probably wasn’t exploitation of the kind that we would normally associate with the term “child pornography” — merely, that it was pornography produced by teenagers. In essence, we’re talking about an act that was stupid, not morally repugnant (though in my own eyes, filming any people having sex is disgusting — but maybe I’m just old-fashioned). Assuming this to be the case, I would expect that particular charge to be dropped, or at the very least — borrowing an American legal phrase here — “pleaded down”.
Of course, this is all idle speculation without any of the facts being known.